Aspects of Love

After being sick for almost 3 days, I'm finally well and ready to party once more.

As soon as my body permitted me to stand up, I decided to go out and see the sun again. I went out together with my partner to watch Aspects of Love, a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. It was a powerful stage play with a really interesting plot and a lot of twists. Monique Wilson and Jake Macapagal starred as lead roles and was performed at Republic of Malate. Its production isn't as grandiose as Miss Saigon and the music is incomparable to Rent, but the story is remarkable. My lesbian friends, most especially, would surely enjoy the kissing scenes between women.

It's all about the aspects of love, as the title goes. Yes, Love--with all its mystery, passion and confusion. And as their song goes, love changes everything, brings you glory, brings you shame.Nothing in the world will ever be the same.

The major problem was the sound. There were some parts that I could barely hear and understand what the actors were singing.

Anyway after the musical, we had dinner at Blue Frog, a French resto. We had lasagna and steak. The food's good. In fact, their steak's better than the ones they have at Outback. Plus the service is outstanding. You gotta try it!

Since we got nowhere else to go after, we decided to go home past midnight and watch a marathon of Queer As Folk in DVD and just spend more quality time together. I missed doing just that, cuddling in bed while watching tv. That was my night's highlight. Nothing beats that.

When I woke up the following day, I got a message from a friend saying she's worried that she has cancer because her doctor advised her to have a biopsy because of the lump on her neck. I hope it's nothing. I pray it's nothing. I'm gonna keep on praying til she's alright.

Feeling Better

I'm starting to feel better already, but still I couldn't make myself to go to work. My head still feels heavy but at least the joint and muscle pains are gone. I wonder if it's just the pain reliever doing its job.

When I woke up I still had a slight fever and was still chilling. The airconditioner was off the whole night. It's weird that I was perspiring and feeling cold at the same time.

Hope things get better today. I don't wanna stay home the whole day and watch TV the whole time just like yesterday.

Sick

I'm sick. I just got my temperature again and it's still at 38.5 celsius. I'm burning up and it just won't go down. Last night before I went to bed, I was having chills. Until now my body is hurting so bad I feel like I'm dying already.  My head feels really heavy and my joints seem like they'll split apart. On top of that, my eyeball sockets are so hot they feel like they're burning my eyeballs til they pop out. I guess it's just the usual flu. I don't know how it started or what I did to expose myself to the virus. All I knew is that I was at work yesterday and went straight home after. When I got home I was just surfing the net and then I started to feel sick. Earlier this morning I was really forcing myself to get up and go to work, but my body won't let me. I could barely even go to the toilet coz my head was spinning. And so I had to call in sick. It's been awhile since I was last absent. In fact I couldnt even remember the last time that I was. If I don't feel any better tomorrow, I'll rush myself to the hospital.

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Rainy Day

Written Oct 27, 2005 I am hearing the rain pouring so softly outside my bedroom window. The sound of the rain hitting the ground is filling my senses. Every drop is cradling me so gently as I try to doze off to sleep. I like it when it rains. It gives me a sense of serenity. A sense of tranquility over a world that's full of chaos. It's like the whole surrounding is at a halt, frozen in time. Waiting to be awaken by the break of light. It has been raining the whole day. Not too hard. Just enough to cleanse everything. I miss the days that I can just go out and play under the rain. Get myself wet to my satisfaction. Ignoring every reminder coming from the maid. Never minding the scolding that would happen after if my parents find out. The only important thing is feeling it drop on my head. Savoring every bit of it and enjoying every sound it makes. The fun stops when you get older. Not for me. I still have fun when it rains.

Wishing...

Written Oct 26, 2005 Maybe, just maybe if I wish long and hard enough, it'll come true. I close my eyes and wish... I pray to the heavens and wish... I wish you're here sleeping right next to me. I miss you badly.

Gloria Resign!

Written Oct 23, 2005



I've always tried to avoid writing anything about politics. Not because I dont want to, but because it is a cause for so much debate. But I guess just like every other middle class and taxpayer in my society, I've kept my silence long enough regarding the political situation in this third-world country. Enough is enough!

It is frustrating that not a lot of people are willing to speak up after all the hoopla and even though they've been heavily bruised by everything that's been going on. Prices of every basic commodity is shooting up to the point of it being impossible for a normal individual to survive, and not to mention that the bigger half is living below the poverty line; fuel rates are weekly increasing it is becoming absurd; freedom of expression is being suppressed and everyone is getting asphyxiated; and the country's leadership is obviously incompetent and corrupt. And just like during the Marcoses era, I am reaching a point that I'll elect anyone else, even a bunch of dogs, in replacement of the present administration.

It's almost unimaginable that at this time and age, our breed have so much deteriorated that you almost couldn't find anyone reasonable enough to replace Gloria. The people in power are so much shoving it down our throats to accept whoever they want to put in power. But I'll purge. I'll purge it out and would not compromise my ideals even if it means that I'll hit the streets with a plackard at one hand and a bolo on the other.

Looking back a few months ago, until recently, I've always believed (or maybe fantasized is the most appropriate term) that it's not too late for this nation to bring itself back on its feet. But with the recent events that has been happening, it's frightening to predict that we're on our way to be the next Argentina or worse, our path is leading to a civil war. It isn't far from happening especially when the EVAT has finally been approved and is just waiting to be implemented. When people are starving, everyone will struggle for survival. The government does not seem to notice. But people are not oblivious to the fact that their primary concern is how to stay in power.

My voice may be small but I won't stop in clamouring for the President's resignation until she does. To think I shook her hand twice during an event that I attended for our company. If I knew then that she'll turn out to be one of the worst presidents of this country, I would have spat right at her face. Still that would not be enough. But I'm sure it'll make it to the headlines.

Jealous

Written Oct 22, 2005

I wonder what you're doing now. I wonder if amidst all the noise, laughter, smoke, flickering lights and endless exchange of glances, you still get to think of me. I wonder if someone is staring at you with full lust right at this very moment. I wonder if you're staring right back. I wonder how many bottles of beer would it take for you to forget. I wonder if you've already forgotten.

When someone approaches you and asks for your name, would you tell him you're already taken? If someone leans to kiss you, would you avoid the tempting lips? If he reaches for your hand, would you remember my touch? Would you remember that I'm here longing for you, silently waiting to hear from you? When you get drunk with all the wine and someone caresses you in the dark, would you feel my pain? The burning pain that fires up my whole being. When you go home, and you find that I'm no longer there, would you even care?

Would you care at all?

Spyware Nightmare

Written Oct 20, 2005

Beware of istbar!

It's pathetic that some companies would go all the way to install some malicious software in people's computer in hope that they'll get some vital information to exploit. I've been using the computer since God knows when but never had much difficulty with spywares since they used to be easily removed by anti-spyware products. However at the end of my long vacation, my younger sister told me that my pc is infected by a trojan virus that was prompted by my anti-virus software.

Of course I was alarmed and tried to remove the virus but to no avail. My instant thought of its source was a spyware from the net that was installed unknowingly. I checked on the add/remove programs in my control panel, and there it was... istbar. I did the usual stuff in attempting to remove it. I tried to uninstall the product but it wont. Tried running adaware, spybot, yahoo antispy, 2 other antivirus softwares, etc. Still it couldnt eliminate the virus. I researched for the source of the software and went to their site and found a program that would uninstall it. I really didnt have high hopes that it would work since they were the primary source of the problem. And I was right! After following difficult instructions, the virus remained. My last hope prior to reformatting was to remove it manually.

I tried to research from the net on how to eliminate the virus. Upon searching, websites like Symantec and Trend Micro popped out in the search results. Upon going to the sites, I realized that the virus was so efficient in doing its job because those sites were blocked and could not be accessed at all. And so I had to search some more.

Luckily, I found a forum board that was discussing on how to manually eliminate the virus from my system. It was so detailed that it was suggesting that I had to edit the registry of my OS to completely eradicate it. And so I did.

And that's when all hell broke lose. Everytime I tried to open up the system registry, it would close the window in a flash. I was so upset and frustrated that when I tried to access the task manager to just end the processes even if it would make my system unstable, it wouldnt let me. Even the task manager wouldnt come out.

And so I had to spend the last day of my 9-day vacation from work in front of the computer to reformat, reinstall all the softwares and reconfigure my pc. What a total waste of time! Do these people even know the trouble they're causing other people?!? The time that I spent could have been used for more relaxation. But noooooooooo! This had to happen. They had to happen.

People like these should be hung, beheaded, shot by a firing squad and burned at the stake. I'd be happy to see their heads served to me on a silver platter.

Pixations

Written Oct 19, 2005

Hear ye! Hear ye! As promised in my previous enty, I'll be posting some photos from my trip.

At the airport terminal prior to boarding

First night in HK. Along Nathan Rd.

At the Jordan MTR Station. I suddenly realized that the transport system in Manila is so third world.

At the night market in Mong Kok. Shopping was so much fun coz O got a lot of good deals.

Disney Pics!

Ocean Park

Monologue

Written Oct 13, 2005

You're still awake? It amazes me how come you don't seem to sleep... I wonder what you're thinking of. This is funny. I've been trying to write this short entry for 2 hours. I keep on typing and deleting. I just dont know what to tell you. Maybe I have something to tell you, but I just dont know how. Maybe you wont even care. I guess I'll just stare at you even when you go to sleep. And I will wait til you wake. I'll just be here looking, waiting for you to share your thoughts. You dont seem to notice, but believe me I always do.

Who am I referring to? You.

All My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready to Go.

Written Oct 12, 2005



I've just finished packing. I packed light and easy. Hope I didnt forget anything. Anyway, I'll be back on Tuesday night and tell you more stories b0ut my adventure. I promise to play "pictionary" with you when I get back.

Right now, I'm enjoying my 9-day vacation from work. I just slept through the whole of my first day. It feels good to be away from the office after long hours of working for the past few days. I'm trying so hard not to think about the work I left and I'm trying to channel my focus on some other things.

It's tormenting to think of the pasalubongs that I have to buy everybody when I get back. I really don't have the slightest idea on what to bring home. For your wishlist, feel free to comment. If I have the budget and the energy to look for it, I will. Again, no promises!

Morbid

Written Oct 11, 2005



Why is it that everytime I'm leaving home it gives me a sense of fear that I'll never be able to come back? Death as a topic has always been taboo. People are afraid to think, write or even give the slightest mention about it. It may be because of the fear of the unknown or just simply because we're afraid to experience the state of dying.

Then why am I writing this now? It is because of the fear that I will never be able to come back to tell my tale. For a few days I will be away and I dont know what's going to happen. You may or may not hear from me after. But if you dont, at least you get to have a glimpse of what's inside the head of a dying man.

Right at this point, there are so many things running in my head. I'm thinking of the last words that I should utter for the world to witness. Something that would speak so much about me. Something immortal. Something timeless. Oh yeah, I can feel the pressure.

Looking back through my life, I can say I was fairly happy. I've met a lot of wonderful people, been to a lot of great places, supported by a very caring family, had a lot of great times with wonderful friends, and loved by a very sweet and gentle partner. But something's missing. Something that I may never find out about. My purpose in life.

It never fails to amaze me when people can talk highly about their purpose for existing. How were they able to figure out that that is their main objective in life? I mean I've lived for a little over a quarter of a century but I never got to discover mine. How do you find out about it? Is it just me or there are other millions of people out there who are having the same dilemma? I know it's sad to the point of being pitiful. But that is the truth. I dont know why I exist.

Some people live for their family. Some people for their career. Some for the good of humanity. While some even live just to make other people's lives miserable, but at least they got a purpose. At least they know that that is their purpose.

And so in my epitaph, this should be written: "I was born without knowing why. I died without knowing why I lived in the first place."

This is depressing. I should never write about death again. But then again, I may never get to have another chance to do it anyway.

Turning Chinese

Written Oct 8, 2005

I am so excited for my Hong Kong trip this coming 15th. My partner is taking me for a 4-day-3-night holiday tour for his birthday gift. SWEET! I've been browsing a lot of sites about the city and fun places to go to. This aint the first time I'm gonna be there, but this will be the first after the turnover to China.

Im so excited to see Disneyland in HK for the first time and Ocean Park again. Check out the following sites and see what I'm talking about:

www.disney.com.hk
www.oceanpark.com.hk/

I'm sure we'll gonna have lotsa fun (and sex). Hahaha!

Thanks Beybitoy!!!

Now And Then

Written Oct. 7, 2005

I got it! After two long weeks of waiting and praying, it has finally arrived.

Before...

After...

My first passport picture looks hideous. Topher said I look like a terrorist on the latter. Grrrr!

People, be nice with your comments please...

It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To...

Written Oct. 6, 2005

Yep, that's right. That is my birthday cake. My team had a surprise for me last night when I least expected it since my birthday passed a few days ago. It's really sweet for them to remember.

That's me posing together with my birthday cake. Omigod, the hair!!!

Me slicing the cake...

The team with my best pal Nicole.

Me with my team.

My gift... Thanks guys!

My birthday card.

Wish every member of my team was there. But nevertheless, thanks to everyone who remembered. I sincerely appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. Cheers!

On Turning 18

Written Oct 4, 2005

Long gone were the days when I can still say I am young and vibrant. A few days have passed since my last birthday and I'm now 18 (plus 10... shhh!). A new chapter of my life is unfolding but before that, just a few thoughts on my year that was:

- I learned that having a lot of credit cards will make you stay up all night thinking of all your debts and where to go shopping next.

- I learned that you cant get away with everything by being charming. Sometimes you have to yell at people in order to get what you want. Like when you yell in a fastfood chain, you get a free burger.

- I learned that no matter how stringent I workout everyday, I will forever live with my lovehandles. I just need to make them live up to their name and we'll get along fine. It's either that or I go under the knife.

- I learned that it's not attractive when someone asks for your name in the locker room and his hair dryer is blowing at your face.

- I learned that my dermatologist is no different than a vaccuum cleaner. A sucker for money.

- I learned that diamond peels dont work.

- I learned that even if I overdose myself with Glutathione, my color will stay the same.

- I learned that all it takes to look your best is to wash your face with a facial soap, apply a toner, put on a moisturizer, put on a pore minimizer, damp it with an anti-oil solution and finish it off with a perfectly good lighting. And then wipe your face with an oil-control film every 30 mins or whenever necessary.

- I learned that riding a chartered plane is not my idea of fun.

- I learned that riding a banana boat is even worse.

- I learned that the fire alarm in our office building is never reliable. It rings during drills but never on earthquakes and when the building is really on fire.

- I learned that calling people any term of endearment will be mistaken as hitting on them even if you totally have a different sexual preference.

- I learned that I can tell people I won the lottery 5 times and there still will be some who would believe.

- I learned that it only takes one smile for a person to stalk you forever.

- I learned that cigerette smoking is dangerous to my health, but still dont care anyway.

- I learned that I can eat a Big Bacon Classic with everything on it plus an extra patty together with a Bacon Mushroom Melt, Biggie Fries, Biggie Iced Tea and a Biggie Frosty in one sitting if Im not on a diet and still wont feel guilty.

- I learned that a cellphone can be a very expensive paperweight when you dont get calls or messages.

- I learned that booking a trip will never be easy

- I learned that no amount of technology can make our government institutions any more efficient
than they were a decade ago.

- I learned that relationships at work is the same as politics. There will never be permanent allies and permanent enemies. Everyone will attempt to grab power and stay in it.

- Finally, I learned that my highest high the previous year was my trip to the beach with my partner and my lowest low was... I cant even remember. It was fairly a good year.

Sleepless

Written Sept. 29, 2005

I've been awake since last night coming from work. It's almost 12nn now and I havent had a wink. I am bothered because I got an email that would seem to destroy my career and would force me to move out because I was humane to my people. Forgive me if I would not be able to go into details. I am just afraid that it would jeopardize my employment. What's gonna happen next, I am not sure. I am not sure if I would be able to keep my job til the end of the week. I am so afraid that if I hear anything that would frustrate me, I would decide to just pack my bags. Quit not because I want to, but because I would not bend my principles over some corporate policy on treating your staff like machines.

I am trying not to be very emotional. This is the very first time that my attention was called over something that could lead to my loss of work. Me and my team have worked so hard to meet the standards. But it seems like one flaw is enough to send us all out of the door. It's sad. It really is.

Updates! Updates!

Written Sept 28, 2005

That's me lying down on my bed while watchin tv after blogging.

I just got home after watching The Perfect Catch at Greenbelt. The film was ok. Nothing spectacular. Since I havent been having enough sleep the past few days, I couldnt help but snore in some parts of the movie.

Prior to watching the movie, me and my partner had dinner at Bubba Gump. Damn, I couldnt get enough of their Popcorn Shrimp. It has always been my all-time fave. You guys should try it. I'm not overrating it or anything, it's just simply a MUST!

Anyway, I was supposed to stay another night at my partner's place, but since he told me he needs to do some work, I just decided to go straight home. I didnt wanna be in the way and I understand completely how busy he gets during this part of the month.

So here I am now all alone in my room and blogging away. One of my good friends Ritchie just celebrated his birthday the other day. He was inviting me to go out with him and celebrate his day with just the 2 of us. But I cant since I was out on a date already when he called. So, we planned to have it re-scheduled. I felt guilty of course. We've been friends since grade school and I made him go out all by himself on his birthday. Talk about being a very reliable friend. Pfft!

Manic Monday

Written Sept. 26, 2005

Late Monday night I had to do a presentation to my bosses and clients at work. Damn, that was freaky. I got scared out of my wits coz I felt an immense pressure to make it good while they were all breathing on my neck. But it was good coz I had my 5 minutes of fame. Oh well, one for the record books.

Is that you Elmer? Very photogenic!

Also I wanna say thanks to those who wished me luck and to those who wished I'd flunk. Nyahahaha! You can't sink me! Jowk.

Hi Lex! Thanks for the warm wishes!

Disturbing Mega-Pixels

Written Sept 25, 2005

This is me now... Tah dah!

 

 

This is disturbing...

 

 

This is all the more disturbing!

 

 

Disturbed...

 

 

Me and my stalker

Onli In D Pilipins

Written Sept. 23, 2005

I tried calling DFA's (Department of Foreign Affairs) Hotline the other day to have my passport renewed since I'm planning to go out of the country next month. According to them, for just a minimum fee of P1,300 they'll do the processing themselves and I wouldnt have to lift a finger. They will pick up all the required documents at home and then deliver the passport once it's ready right at my doorstep. Well... Process my ass!

I hate it when some incompetent agency promises too much and cant deliver on to their promise. I availed of the service and was promised the moon and the stars, but did they keep it? Of course not! What can you expect from the incompetent institutions of a horrendously corrupt nation?!? Absolutely nothing... zero... empty... Nah-dah!

Of course the first time I heard their spiel, I was swept off my feet. I was amazed that this third-world nation with exotic inhabitants are actually capable of providing that kind of service. So knowing the little lazy bummer that I am, I said "Yes" with a "please". And there it was, the following day the courier came to my house, woke me up from my deep slumber in the middle of the afternoon and was asking for my documents. I happily obliged. With cobwebs in my head, I signed some forms, submitted my old passport and thumbprinted on some piece of paper that I really didnt bother to read. I was soooo sleepy at that time that if it was an admittance of guilt over some heinous crime, it didnt bother me much. I just wanted to get it over with and get back to bed.

The following day, I got a message on my phone from DFA asking for a callback. I did. The person on the other line was, uh, yeah, courteous as expected. And so I asked the purpose of his existance, "I got a message asking me to call. What's the problem?" He said, "Sir, we're asking you to come to our office and make a personal appearance on Tuesday between 8am to 10am." At this point you can just probably imagine how my face turned red and how I was spontaneously combusting. And knowing it would be senseless to argue with a telephone representative, I just banged my head on the wall and pulled all my hair out.

Why do they want my personal appearance? I know tens of thousands of my fans would want that too, but I dont intend to grace their office with my presence. I mean falling in line for hours just to get a freakin document is not glamorous one bit. And to think I paid for a service that promised to make life E-A-S-I-E-R. Sigh! Truly onli in d Pilipins...

And the Sky Is Gray

Written Sept 23, 2005

It's dusk and I'm getting ready to go to work again. Work, sleep, work. That's my new routine. I need to add a fuckin zest to my life. Let's admit it. Zombies have a far more interesting life than I do at this point. Sheesh!

Things to do:

1. Work

2. Sleep

3. Work

4. Sleep

Ugh! I cant even think of other things to do anymore. Somebody puh-leez break this spell!

To the Beat Of the Drum

Written Sept 1, 2005

I was browsing through my discs and miraculously I saw my old techno music collection. Almost instantaneously I was sent back in time. I dunno 'bout you guys but I was one of those who used to frequent clubs, consortiums, rave parties and what not. I was there when Faces, Club Mars, Euphoria and the other cool clubs were still around while dancing to the tune of Always and Groove Is in the Heart with my platinum blonde hair on. Oh yes! I was blonde once for two weeks doing the butterfly dance up to the wee hours of the morning. Of course my Dad was furious. But what can I do? I was young, carefree and having a joie de vivre.

It's fun to look back. I wonder whatever happened to the folks that I used to hangout with 4x a week in the clubs. Were they able to outgrow the club scene? I doubt it. They party more than I do. But who knows.

In the meantime, I'm gonna dance again and do my moves in my room after a really long time to the beat of the drum.

I Shall Return

Written Aug 4, 2005

It's 3 am and I'm just waiting for my flight that'll leave in 2 and a half hours. I'll be away from town for just a couple of days and will meet with my cousins and other relatives for our reunion in Roxas City. Im somewhat lackadaisical in going coz I'll be coming straight from the office and I havent had enough sleep since last night. But since I'm packed and dont wanna be a wet blanket, I decided to go anyway.

Two days seem short. But staying in the province with nothing to do but to stare at the stars at night would feel an eternity. I'm gonna miss a lot of things - my Babes, siblings, home, friends, my room, work (hard to believe but yeah, I'll miss it), co-workers and the noisy hustle bustles of the urban life.

But I shall return... You cant get rid of me. Hehe!

Office Friends

Written July 8, 2005



Just wanted to show the world my handsomest and prettiest teammates. Todo na to!

Death Threat

At 2:09PM today, I got a message via text from an uknown number. The message goes, "Ikaw ba si tristan (last name here)? Kung ikaw nga, p*#%ng |&@ nyong dalawa!" I just thought "Huh? " and didnt pay much attention to it. Though at the back of my head, I was kinda thinking, "sinong kaming dalawa?" Is it me and my split personality? Maybe.

I didnt bother to reply nor even entertain the message coz it didnt make much sense to me. But after awhile, the person texted again and this time sent an MMS of a car (blue/black-Im not sure but I think it's a Honda). And from the angle of the pic, you would see that the person taking the photo was hidden or crouching behind a fence with a text saying, "INGATKNALNGDMOLAMKUNGKELANDATING".

That's when I felt disturbed.

I felt disturbed NOT because I got scared of the threat. I got deeply bothered by the way I interpreted the whole message. First, the picture. Why did he send me a photo of a car? Does it mean my efforts paid off from clicking countless ads online in hope that I'd win a brand new car? Second, why was he hiding behind a fence? Was it because he's trying to be artistic with the whole photography thingy and tried to make it look a bit abstract? Third, why were the text in all caps? Was there something wrong with his low-budget phone and it's not capable of keying words in lower case or was he just simply trying to hurt my eyes? If that's the case, he should have underlined the words and made them flash to make it more hypnotic. Fourth, why were there no spaces between the words? Was he trying to save space so as not to break the message in two and ultimately save a piso? Because if this was a serious threat, I dont think the sender would try to squeeze everything in a single message para makatipid ng piso sa text and risk of not getting his point across. And lastly, fifth, why were the words misspelled? At first glance I thought it was some sort of an alien code that would melt me with a laser beam emanating from my phone if I stared on the message for too long from trying to decipher what it meant. For crying out loud, it's Tagalog! Dont give me a hard time by at least spelling the words right.